The Art of Meditation
A few personal reflections on my time at the Vipassana 10-day silent meditation course
Meditation is a practice where we train our mental awareness to observe the sensations of our physical body in the present moment (and with some practices the emotional and spiritual body too), as a means of better understanding how our mind affects our behaviour, and to promote inner peace and calm.
It’s been used for centuries by monks, buddhists, philosophers, sages and spiritual practitioners around the world, and is said to have originated (depending on what you define as meditation or what you read) as early as 1500 BCE in India, and from the 3rd century BC in China.
I began my own meditation journey in January 2020, as a way to surmount a highly challenging transitional period in my life (also known as a triple-slap from the universe when you keep ignoring your intuition and settle for a life you’re not satisfied with), where my anxiety had also peaked, and I’d lost direction.
Sitting taught me to calm the mind, be present, and helped me live soulfully and with purpose again - supporting and inspiring others be authentic, free and in joy. I experimented with vocalisation, visualisation and other Mindfulness techniques, and have now created a personal daily practice that works for me (variety is the spice of my life), where I continue to do deep healing work. What’s more, whilst meditating I had the idea to set up my own small business and train as a Mindfulness coach, which further helped me to make a few rather monumental life shifts at that difficult time. Through studying Mindfulness, I had the chance to reconnect with my inner joy (and child), because of the logical, practical and useful content of the course.
This year, in an attempt to broaden my knowledge of meditation, and because my trip to Kenya got cancelled, I decided to apply for a Vipassana course, and got accepted. Vipassana is a very popular meditation technique, practiced all over the world with origins in Burma, and taught by S.N Goenka, in the tradition of the enlightened Sayagyi U Ba Khin. I’d heard about the course from my friend Ian a few years’ back, at a time where I wouldn’t have even bat an eyelid at the word meditation. But then, it got mentioned again a few years later, which got me curious.
This 10 day silent meditation course is an introduction to Vipassana, a technique to develop a pure mind by practicing sīla (morality) and following a strict code of conduct: to abstain from killing any being, to abstain from stealing, to abstain from all sexual activity, to abstain from telling lies, and to abstain from all intoxicants.
From what I understood during my days at the camp, is that it is a practical, non-sectarian, non-intellectualised, no-frills meditation technique, where one observes the respiration, surface level and internal sensations of the body, in the present moment, to understand one’s cravings (attachments) and aversions in the pursuit of equanimity (no reaction). This technique teaches us to sit with pain and uncomfortable sensations (often deep rooted) without reaction, allowing them to rise and pass (anicca - impermanence), as a way of releasing old patterns of behaviour, not generating new ones, and attaining a peaceful mind (actually quite similar to the principles of Mindfulness).
With this said, here’s a little snapshot of how I personally moved (struggled) through this 10 day (100 hours) meditation course, the technique itself, and in abiding by the course rules (kinda not really a rules person I realise). Oh, and in fully renouncing all other personal practices, Mindfulness included, whilst at the camp.
Guidance: You get out what you put in, a message beautifully underpinned by the words of Dhamma (truth) and humorous stories shared by Goenka in the evening discourses (favourite stories: the elephant and the half truths, the grieving mother and the sesame seeds, and the five grains of corn). And, I had come here to work seriously, so for me it was super inspiring to see lots of people (150) committed to growing, healing, (un)learning and trying out such a technique. Each day we practiced different aspects of the technique, and over time, how to bring it all together to use it harmoniously as a whole. After getting over the initial disorientation and overwhelm of Day 1 (shocker), I found a rhythm that worked for me. But, everyone does this course differently, and the best thing is not to compare your stay to someone else’s. When things get too much, just breathe, go slow, and you’ll find your feet (or maybe they’ll go numb, it is a Vipassana course after all).
Silence: Silence is the stuff of gold, and it’s amazing to see what you can achieve when you just hush ya’ mouth for a bit. From day one onwards, students practice Noble Silence of mind and body, as a way to approach mental stillness with more ease. So, no interacting, no gestures and no eye contact, basically just keep yo shit to yo’self for the duration of your stay. As the few friends I told laughed in my face when I said I was going on a silent retreat for 10 days (I do have the gift of the gab at times), I can now confirm that this was absolutely the easiest thing (non-verbal) for me to do out of all aspects of the course. Silence is a happy place for me, and after many years of solo travel, eating alone and passing time without words, watching the world go by actually becomes a joy, and a sought-after activity. What was tough was not having a pen and paper for the duration of the course - no writing at all (boohoo).
Movement: By default, I have ants in my pants. I’m a mover and a shaker, and can also be known as monkey (this is one of the reasons I practice meditation, to improve inner calm). Most days, as I glided silently around the camp, from the sessions to spare moments spent in the walking area, I felt my body wanting to flow into a dance, and prance about like a fairy. By Day 7, I had such a burst of renewed energy after days without talking or distractions, time in nature and releasing pain in meditation, that it became even bloody harder to keep still (the final session of the day was restless-leg- cramp-galore). I felt lifted enough to do a Power Ranger fly-kick across the whole of the front lawn (think a few hundred feet), but that would have been inappropriate. So, as I accepted this challenge and wanted to respect the rules to the best of my ability, I told myself to ‘suck it up’ and surrendered to the stillness, as graciously as my ants would allow.
Body: Get ready to work that core and posture, people! I also realise that I burp alot during meds, and I need to pee at least every hour or hour and a half, but they allow breaks though (I blame my love affair with herbal tea). Fortunately, the sitting part was actually OK, I guess I’m used to meditating and relatively flexible. I just switched between a crossed legs position and resting on the shins, with my own wax fabric cushion (go Naija) and personal blanky, which suited me well. But there are lots of cushions, blocks and support options provided in the main hall if you need them too.
Discipline: I got the chance to see just how much I love self-discipline, structure and a routine. The schedule is nuts (see pic below), but I appreciate and understand why it’s delivered this way. A routine doesn’t have to be rigid and monotonous, but if we can benefit from adding structure into our life and creating a routine that supports our personal development and healthy living - why wouldn’t we want to do it?
...Probably because we’re programmed by the TV, advertising and media to want more, eat more, buy more, get up that ladder, buy the overpriced house, 2.0 family, Sunday roast with all the trimmings, and follow a very uniform, strictly laid out plan for life. But we’re all entirely different, so how can we want the same things, or be destined to live in the same way, or be on the same timeline? For me, this is merely a clever, devised distraction from our relationship to self, our infinite potential, and the true essence of life and purpose. Many of us have never had the chance, support or encouragement to sit and listen to ourselves without all of the external noise (meditation), before shit hits the fan (living a preventative lifestyle), and to understand what it is that makes us happy (not others or society).
Women: Women are such strong, gentle, creative, nurturing, powerful beings and it was a treat to spend time among only women for these days. At times, I felt I was in one giant divine feminine soup, and it was wholesome and nourishing. I strongly feel women should be respected, acknowledged and loved more on this earth - we are the catalysts of life, the creators.
Men: It’s great to see so many men undertaking this kind of work. And for ten days, I can live without them, but I couldn't cope with a life-long separation from conscious masculine energy. It’s actually been a few of the men in my life who are challenging me (positively) to grow spiritually and emotionally right now, and I appreciate that so much. What’s odd to me, is that in this wellness space I’ve come across men (women too) who preach and pretend to follow such teachings of compassion and loving kindness, and yet when faced with real life temptation and conflict, lack the strength of character to communicate honestly (an integral part of the human experience), or, in the words of master Spike Lee, just ‘do the right thing’. Still, I have faith in the global consciousness evolution that is unfolding right now.
Sexual Activity: I didn’t quite realise how much of a tantric* life I live before coming on this course. Having reawakened the wild woman inside of me at the start of last year, and after nurturing this relationship on a daily basis for about 20 months now, embracing the rising serpentine Shakti energy, I found it a heavy task to renounce (I get that this may be an attachment, and I’m OK with that). Not being able to connect with the divine feminine and womb space during meditation was strange to me, especially as I came on my moon time whilst I was there. And if I’m being honest, I found it quite disempowering, as I feel this is where I get a lot of my strength from. I see the benefits of taming the mind, but taming the ‘flame’, I’m not sure about that one. In recent years, I abandoned this part of myself and became very, very unhappy, and I’m not going back there. My wild woman even kept me up late one night, howling for me not to abandon her again, but I just had to breathe in deep, abide by the rules and park that connection until Sunday, when I knew I’d be dancing freely in the garden again. Fundamentally, I believe that we can benefit from the sexual self being integrated (not isolated) with the physical, emotional and spiritual bodies, and that they can (and perhaps should) co-exist alongside personal meditation practices. I feel that there is still a lot of healing we need to do as a society in this area, rather than repress it, and I also believe in pleasure as a revolution (I missed touching and seeing my body too). But hey, that’s just my stance.
Intoxicants: Ok, so no drinking or drugs during the course. I gave up drinking almost two years ago, so that’s cool. And for ten days, no drugs I can do. But do I want to live a life without pure plant medicine? No, not really. I strongly believe that plant medicine exists on earth for a reason, and when used consciously, can support our healing, fix neuropathways in the brain, expand consciousness and advance the human race.
Rituals: This is a very practical technique with no rituals allowed, as a way to emphasise the notion that meditation can be done anywhere, by anyone, on any budget, no frills necessary.
Sound: It’s funny, I can’t quite shake my aversion to chanting. I understand it’s importance, and that of overtones, as some sound practitioners incorporate this into their sessions too, but I’m just not there yet (sidenote: I do adore this clever guy though). And who knows, maybe I just won’t ‘get it’. On the flipside, each meditation session at the camp was indicated by the striking of various Burmese gongs, whose resonance was warmly welcomed by my eardrums - absolute bliss.
Group: I think I have an aversion (oh shit, not another one) to group activities, but at this time in my life, I thought why not give it another go, right.
...Well, I gave it another go, and it’s still not mah’ thing. I’m very sensitive to the energy of others and found I got more out of the practice when I was alone in my room, as opposed to the main hall. And, I also understood myself even more when the silence broke on Day 10, and I literally ran into the woods at the back of the camp to hang out in the trees by myself (where there were about four other sensitive souls, also overwhelmed by the newfound noise and bubbling energy).
Results: I had zero expectations of this course, other than the fact that I knew it was going to be a motherf*cker of a life test. I am not now enlightened, nor am I a master meditor, and of course my mind still wanders, I am not the Terminator. What I am, though, is more equipped to deal with my cravings and aversions (I have plenties), better at acceptance, and an ever-firm believer that meditation, whichever practice works for you, is the ultimate way to ‘know thyself’ and will take anyone who practices it consistently very, very far in this life. And if you can’t be inspired to meditate, then I do believe that Sound Therapy can support the mind-body connection, and bring us back to a place of alignment and internal peace - we are all just frequencies and vibrations at the end of the day.
Aside from the points above: there were conscious and healthy veggie food options (the eat-the-rainbow salads were hugely appreciated and conducive for long sitting sessions); there is an element of fasting which is great (different from my usual hours but useful nonetheless); I shared a room with a tidy and respectful woman; the volunteer staff were gracious and helpful throughout; the teachers were wise and firm; and I was also highly impressed observing the mechanics of an operation like this unfold as the days went on. Having worked for many years in events and venue ops, I enjoy watching back-end logistics play out.
Overall, there is no doubt that this technique brought me some great benefits during the course. Ten days in silence, slowing down, in nature, meditating without your phone is great. I’ve picked up a few new skills for sure, and I’d recommend trying it out. I’m grateful for being allowed a spot on this very popular (free/by donation) course - thank you, Dhamma Dipa Team.
However, not to disrespect or devalue this particular technique, but I missed the soul connection, multidimensionality, ancestral connection and freeflow of my personal practice. For me, I feel that as someone who had operated in their (dominant) masculine energy for so long - assertive, discipline, executioner, boundaries - I prefer, and missed, a practice where I can connect with my soul, womb and divine feminine energy - creative, flowing, unstructured and fertile. Plus I like frills too. Gimme an altar, singing bowl, a candle, palo stick, oracle deck, and a crystal or two, and I’m a happy woman (even if they are just tasty little cravings to me).
These ten days were a humbling insight into self-discipline, self-awareness and patience, but I don’t believe I will be becoming a Vipassana student anytime soon. I prefer to live my life not prescribed to one set of strict rules, plus the teacher said to me that when I leave the camp, I will choose my own path, but if it’s one of Mindfulness, then basically don’t come back (teeny alarm bells ringing in my mind - no pick n’ mix allowed here then). So, I guess I’ll be seeing ya’ Dhamma D.
Obviously, an experience like this can’t be whittled down to a few paragraphs, but on the three hour train journey home I wanted to jot some initial impressions down (having missed the act of writing so much - a big release for me), and I also feel it’s important to share personal accounts of a life event like this.
For more information on Vipassana, go apply for a course. You can’t get the juice without the squeeze ;)
Aniccaaaaa
V
...off for some herbal rewilding in the garden (with heightened awareness), and back to life ‘as it is’.
*To avoid confusion, Tantra is not purely about sex, it is an ancient science that can guide our life and spiritual evolution - ‘a set of methods and tools for the creation of a network of conscious connections between elements of reality that are apparently separated, thus obtaining an increasingly comprehensive understanding. Most people are unaware of the fact that Tantra is the spiritual root that gave birth to many important branches of Yoga’ (Atman, 2018).
Course Tips:
Dhamma Dipa are on their marketing and comms kits like no other place I’ve seen, and provide fantastic a packing list too. Still, here are a few things that got me through:
Tiger balm for the win - straight up the hooter (nose) for that daily 4am wake up call
Layers - I can’t go anywhere potentially cold without tights, and lots of ‘em
Oils - as you’re not allowed perfumed deodorant, my doTerra oils saved each day for me, and this is what I brought:
- Lavender, on the pillow for a good night’s sleep, or wrist to calm the nervous system
- Peppermint, a dab on the temples for headaches and if you’re struggling to keep focused in a room full of people
- On Guard, a drop in water, for the days you may feel a bit ropey or if you get the sniffles
- ZenGest, a drop in water, for when you’re eating a whole new diet, on a new schedule and your tum isn’t used to it
Hot water bottle - if you know you know
